OVER?

The hours had seemingly just pulled me away from what I was feeling the whole day.
The dreadness.
The sadness.
Yeah it has gone away by the time I woke up and all.


Then it all reappeared after I read his blog.

Hate me.
Don't believe me.
Have u ever once believed in me before.
When i was telling the truth,
u didn't even try did you?
Everytime something happen,
you just mute yourself from telling me anything.
You want talk about trust with me,
when have i never place my trust in you before.
You never even know when im angry,
which i did days before.
Did u ever know?
Dont't talk to me like believing stuffs and all those,
when you haven't even believed in me.
Stare,
just stare and be mute.

Damn these things that keep on happening.
Damn me for not being a pal.
Damn stupid mervin.

Fine.
If you rather think that everyone else is just better than me,
then so be it.
Im just a thorn in your flesh,
creating all the misery and pain for you.
Trust everyone else except me.
Tell everyone else except me.
Treat me as invisible.

I really wanna pretend that all these wasn't written.

I had believed in you more than the whole world.
I had believed in you and tried more than anyone else.
I had told you everything under the stars.

But what had you given me?
What had you shown me that you're doing your job as a pal?


Remember our promise?
Yeah I think it was long forgotten.
Why was it promised anyway.
I would have known you won't tell me anything.

And I'll have to know it from jasmine.

And after I knew,
I felt so terrible.
That you were hiding so much from me.
Like suddenly a dozen knives just found themselves tossing into my chest.

You are indeed a thorn.
But my lifes are full of thorns.
Including amelia, my parents ; etc.
And guess what.
Only important people hurt me the most.

If you were invisible.
I wouldn't have tried hiding stuff from you.
You would never know how much pain you caused me.
And I don't want you to know.
Because I don't want you to make it all up again.
Like everytime you used to.

And let it just snowball bigger.


You are so wrong when you said that everyone is better than you.
Guess what?
From the day I met you.
I've been trying my best to be like you.
Yes to impersonate you.

Why?
Because you are worthy to be one of my ideal expectations.
And that makes you great.

I knew I wasn't wrong from the start.
I wasn't wrong when I knew something is going to happen.
Maybe that's why I sensed it.
That's why I told you so on the second day of our work.
Maybe that's why I became all angry on the last day of work.
Even before I knew

And I'm so disappointed in you.
Sorry for everything.
But as pengyang said, sorry is just one fucking word.


It's a pity all these can't be heard to you.
I'll be back pretending again.
Until it all subsides,
Maybe then I'll claim what I've been deprived of.

Cry me a river.





Sing.
Sing a story.
Sing a story untold.
Sing a beautiful story untold.
Sing a beautiful and whimsical story untold.
Sing a beautiful and whimsical story untold in the midst of a mystical downpour.

And then cry it all out.
'Cos you have to right to believe that it's over.