HERE'S WHAT I HAVE TO SAY.

LOOK maybe I overreacted but don't you feel that you all went a little overboard.
Hey what do you expect me to think man the whole sunday you neh bothered to call me at all and when I calle dyou two times you didn't return the calls and the smses I've sent that night you neh even reply how am I supposed to know.
And this is what? your concern?
Whatthehell.

Yeah true I have no rights to know what you all were fricking doing.
Then what's the idea of being a friend.
I thought you all really meant being there and stuff.
But instead now you all are treating me like I'm something jaded.

The whole time I refrained myself from flaring up but now I knew nothing of being the calm one you asked me to be. PRACTICALLY I NEVER EVEN SAID ANYTHING WHEN YOU ALL WENT ON SUNDAY thinking that if I was in one of you all shoes like perhaps if jieting had something on she won't bother either. AND WHAT you expect me to spoil the fun and tell you all where I was and stuff. THAT NIGHT I WANTED TO BE ALONE AND THAT ISN'T CALLED WALKING AWAY THAT IS CALLED BEING WHAT I CALL SOUL SEARCHING.
AND I THINK I GAVE YOU ENOUGH CLUES TO LET YOU KNOW WHERE I AM AND THERE I WAS HOPING YOU WILL BE THERE EVENTUALLY BUT YOU NEVER WAS. AND I ADMIT I DIDN'T WANT ANYONE ELSE THERE BUT YOU and after waiting so long I GET SO SICK OF WHY YOU WERE THE ONE I WAS WAITING FOR IN THE FIRST PLACE.

LOOK I DIDN'T MAKE A BIG REACTION WHEN I KNEW ABOUT YESTERDAY. I just smsed mervin AND YOU THOUGHT THAT I MINDED AND STUFF. I WAS PRESSING DOWN AND WHAT THE HELL YOU ALL WERE THINKING. and that I DON'T KNOW MAYBE YOU ALL WERE GUILTY but you all just kept smsing me and telling me and stuff about me LIKE YOU ARE TRYING TO HURT ME MORE. And those messages THAT I WROTE who wouldn't wrote all that if they wer so pissed.

I'M THE IGNORANT THIRD PARTY AND I FEEL SO SICK AND USED. LIKE THE PAST NEVER MATTERED AT ALL. yeah FROM HERE I THINK YOU ALL WILL SAY WHAT CRAP IF IT DOESN'T MATTER WE WON'T BE HERE QUARRELLING BUT I can easily just say yeah I NEVER MEANT ANYTHING LIKE OTHERS TO YOU ALL. And you said what I was trying to show by telling you all I wanna let go. BUT REALLY i'm sick of all these and look what you are turning against me AND TELLING ME you expect me to hang on to these kind of rubbish?

I'M NOT SCARED THAT YOU ALL WILL FORGET ME OR WHATEVER. but its like the whole day i was smsing mervin and calling him probably hoping of getting someone to chat with and instead like i was so fucked up knowing you all had so much planned without knowing a single fucking shit. BTW IM ALL FUCKED UP AT MERVIN LIKE SHIT YOU YOU KKNEW SO MUCH DIDN'T EVEN SAY ANYTHING AND THERE I WAS CARING AND WHAT PROMISES STUPID YOU YOU LIAR MADE ME BELIEVE SO MUCH and you expect me to be okay with it and i was so pissed i just blew up everything AND DIDN'T CARE AT ALL.

what's the crap about sharing and caring man. like after i told you about everything that is happening to me you said i didn't have the right and at another point you want me to show my moodiness and share my problems WHAT IS THIS MAN. I DON'T WANNA KNOW WHAT EXACTLY YOU ALL WERE DOING but I expected that we were close enough to be able to know what we all were doing like BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER AT ALL I can easily say I don't matter like a really good friend just those that is always needing the care and stuff pissing everybody off.

WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO BE FUCKED UP AND DISAPPOINTED.
Look at what I'm going through now. AND YOU ARE TRYING TO TELL ME THAT I SHOULD BE THE ONE FEELING SORRY AT YOU THROWING THE PHONE VENTING YOUR FURY ON THE CALCULATOR BUT THEN AGAIN IS THAT ALL? I THOUGHT YOU ALL KNEW WHAT TO DO AND STUFF AND ITS JUST TELLING YOU ALL I'M UNHAPPY WITH THIS YOU ALL CAME UP WITH SO MUCH STUFF LIKE I WAS WRONG ABOUT EVERYTHING. maybe I am but guess what if I never knew f/s were so FRAGILE yes I've said it IT'S SO DAMN FRAGILE RIGHT NOW, I WON'T BE SO SICK OF EVERYTHING.
all the past like it never mattered.

I NEVER HATED YOU ALL FOR ONCE TELLING ME SO MUCH BUT RIGHT NOW I KNOW ENTIRELY THE WHOLE PICTURE I GET SO FUCKED UP AND PISSED ABOUT EVERYTHING.

stop giving me stupid reasons to every point I've got to mentioned.
I don't know what we are anymore.

it's like I'm already trying to be nice and there you are scolding every fucking shit off.
now i know i thank you for that.
aren't you happy now pengyang?
i'm practically making a big fuss over it like you presumed i will.