Taking me along completely BREATHLESS.

There's something about the days about me going out with my parents at days.

1) They keep losing my face & I don't know how to face whoever else.
2) I'll get all black and sulk, not speaking for the whole day.


Just like today. I know I'm going to be in a hazy mood & not the state to go out.

However, for their good intentions for me to not stay cooped at home the whole day, I decided to tag along to my grandmother's house.

A huge mistake I'd say.



& this seemed to be a symptom that's gradual. Ever since the day I've quarrelled like hell with my parents, (which by the way I still have scars on my right arm to prove how violent it became) I've started to lose my respect for them.

Not intentional , but somehow, I can't go back to the state of forgetting & forgiving, or things like that. I can't pretend that nothing has happened anymore.

There are several things in my life that's much more worse than this & I'm able to suppress them, & yet I can't seemed to do the same for this. I wonder why.



2007 had been a bad year, a continuously depressing period for me. The whole year I've been wondering whether people understand me. Apparently I find no one capable of that.

And I don't know how to try to just express my feelings & let out what I have inside anymore, like I'm suffocating.


I don't want to keep having the heat in my heart that refused to go away despite how alright I'm pretending to be.



I feel very exhausted. With the way everybody's treating me & with the way I'm treating everybody. I feel like letting go. Like I don't even have to care what the world thinks anymore.

To them, I may just be an insignificant maggot that brings nothing but misery for everybody. Damnit, I hate this life, how it keeps going haywire, & expecting me to piece it up and nurse it with a mask.

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Some people care too much.
Some people care in a way I don't understand.
Some people care too little.
And some, just don't care at all.

I don't need lies.
I need a punching bag.
I need a listening ear.
I need a hugging teddy.

I need trust and I need a heart.
A new heart.